I had a friend talk about when she first saw her son she didn't feel connected to him, even though she was more than elated when she found out she was pregnant and all throughout her pregnancy. Her doctors diagnosed her with a moderate case of PostPartum Depression - given her history with depression.
I'm not trying to compare her and I since I was fortunate enough to not develop that with each of my pregnancies and deliveries but lately I've been feeling like I'm not connecting.... to this house. I know that sounds silly and trust me I am not trying to compare or make jest of the condition.
When we first toured this house I fell in love! Just by walking in it felt very much like a home. Even when we finally put in our bid I was so excited and couldn't wait to move in! In my mind I had rooms mapped out with furniture and updates. I was stoked!
The seller accepted our bid, we sold our house and then came the day of moving and the signing of paperwork. (In that waiting period I also went to the chiro where I suffered a big of rib damage so I was starting to slow down physically) We had literally a few hours to move our entire house after the paperwork was signed.., oh! Did I mention I cried at some point signing all the papers because I was so dead tired but excited and wanted it all to be done? Yeah, I did.
The first night we spent in the house I could barely sleep. I wanted to clean everything and put everything away after finding the perfect spot for stuff. I was determined to establish an organized house from the start and begin fresh. I woke up at 4:30 to clean and organize the kitchen until the kids woke up and the Hubs wandered down the stairs several hours later.
Fast forward 6 months...., I walk around and feel chaos and disorganization. I see things where they don't belong more so than how our old house use to feel. There are still boxes in a storage unit that I am paying money on which is driving me nuts (much to our excitement on other details of the house we overlooked the size of the basement is HALF the size of what we had - as well as the garage - two places that we were so use to being larger) And when I cannot find something I have a flash back to where it was at the old house and I miss it. Yes! I actually miss our tiny little house that drove me crazy as it busted at the seams.
It just feels like I haven't connected with this house yet. I kind of feel frustrated with not feeling like it is ours. Some moments it feels like we're just renting even though I full well know that this is our house..., our home. The Hubs has connection and I'm pretty sure the kiddos have too, even the dog. All but me.
I don't know. Ever feel this way of a big change or investment? What did you do to help get out of that funky feeling?
It took me a while to fall back in love with our home after we built it. It was such a time consuming thing, I just had Careena...there was this 4,000 square foot house to fill and I knew that meant running up credit cards...BUT it does come! loving what you make it will come!
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