Monday, August 26, 2013

A Bittersweet Goodbye - to my milk

    Friday morning I watched the last drip drop. Mentally I thanked them for everything they have let me provide my three kids in their first year of life. I tried to pause that moment in time as the milky white drop swelled on the tip right before it descended. That was that.

    I am done breastfeeding. It is still incredibly bittersweet for me to say that. My 16 month old Baby Bear had long ago weaned and I was merely holding on for my own emotions. I still crave to provide the liquid life source that I am able to provide but I know with it being four days since I wont be able to. I fought the urge for the past fours days - timing it out perfectly with the huge distraction of hosting a surprise party for my parents 35th anniversary. If I did not have anything to distract me I think I would have slipped back.
    Fortunately, I was able to provide all three of my children with breast milk for the first year and then some of their lives. So much so that we purchased a deep chest freezer with the first born, then another one with the second!! I had that sucker filled to the brim! Same goes for my third.

    I was amazed with the emotions that surrounded me when the mere thought of stopping entered my mind. My heart would pick up and my eyes would swell with the threat of releasing tears. This was one thing that I could do for my children that no one else could for them. This was one thing that was pure. This was the first thing that they consumed. And it came from me.
    I would have continued to carry on but with our schedules, the move and the natural stresses my supply had gone down and I hadn't been able to get it back up - even with teas and liquid fenugreek. I had to face the inevitable. My time had come. 
    Like all avenues of life, eventually we must move on to the next step or phase. I had to move on. My baby is no longer a baby but a toddler. She is our last so this was my last breastfeeding experience. There are only about a dozen or so bags of frozen milk left to be used. When they're gone, its gone.

    So Friday morning as I watched the last drip drop and I thanked my body for allowing and letting me be able to provide for my babies, I was granted closure.

    Today I am starting a process of preserving a bit of my milk, the liquid life if you will. I will be posting my experience when completed. Some may think this is weird or strange, some may find this just amazing as I do. How much different is it than scrapbooking bits of hair or dried umbilical cords? I am excited to be able to do this and can't wait to share with you the outcome. 

    What feelings did you experience when you weaned? Did you miss it or where you happy it was over and onto the next phase?

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