I think I have been distracted with the move and settling into the new house to think about the incredibly gross loss of my job. Some things just don't line up for me still and I think that is what is most unsettling.
I wish the HR department had been worth going to - he's just on cruise control until his retirement so he didn't question much of anything. Hell, it was hard enough getting a compensation check from him when I had to expense something for work.
Let me give you a small background of who I worked with without getting into major details. I was hired to work for an amazing company that is based out of the UK. I loved what I did and the people outside of the North American office I worked with. Mainly, the president of the company hired family and friends of his church organization to populate the company with "yes men" - literally men by the way. Before my department was given the axe I figured out that there were 5% of the company that was not brought in by him - which included me. Further to that the majority of his guys lived over an hour away in Amish country within a block or two of each other and himself. But no one worries about gas when his people are in positions of power to get such perks as company vehicles and cell phones.
These boys mainly bragged and boasted that their wives were at home with their bahgillion kids and were either just pregnant or just had a baby. *Funny note on that - seemed like whoever's wife just had a baby that person got a mysteriously perfect timed raise or promotion. I'm not blind, I can do the math.
I was with this company for all three of my kids, did I ever get a raise after having a kid? Nope. BUT I did get an ultimatum from the president after having my second and even having my third. He actually sat down with me and said "If it's too hard I'm going to need to have a few weeks notice before you leave. I know my wife didn't want to remain working after she had our second baby. She just couldn't do it." By the way, have I mentioned that I was the only female on the staff that was of child bearing age and capabilities? There were four other women but they are all in their 50's+.
That last week I was trying very hard to get together with the boy that was suppose to be working in my department but was still going to school. My manager was vague saying that it may not be worth fussing over - never at one point did I think my job was in jeopardy. I was wrong. Stupid me for not figuring out that it is cheaper to keep this boy as a contracted staff member than keep me full-time with all my benefits. Stupid me for not connecting the dots that his wife just had a baby and that he would outshine my working mom status. Did I mention that he was one of them? One of the president's "cult members"?
Dang, as I am writing this I feel like this is a story that I am making up but it is oh-so true. The sad part is that I truly miss going to my job. I miss doing what I did for almost 7 years. I wish that the UK office knew what was going on in the North American office. I wish that I could have felt confident that if I had said something to HR that something would have been done.
And I'm still mad as hell that the president and my manager didn't have the balls to tell me verbally that my department was being dropped from the company. Instead they chose to write up a letter and slide it over to me across the table sitting in silence as I read it with tears flooding into my eyes.
I am trying not to feel like my current job search isn't being derailed by the fact that I am a female. Perhaps that is a feeling that has been embedded in me since working in the environment that I was in, even though I was proven more responsible than most of the males in the company. I truly hope that is not the case. I have what I feel is a fantastic resume and job experience history so why no call backs? And why can't I get past this roadblock of anger from being dropped from the company I worked for?